Learning not to leave myself
For much of my life, I didn't know who I was.
I didn't know what I liked or disliked. I struggled to say no, had few boundaries and continually put other people's needs before my own.
Through my own healing journey, I began to understand how childhood trauma had shaped the way I responded to situations, relationships and the fear of abandonment.
I began to realise that what I had thought was simply “who I was” was connected to behaviour patterns that had once been instinctive, and that those patterns could change when I understood the root cause.
Through therapy, my own healing and trauma-informed coaching training, I began learning to understand my nervous system, recognise my trauma responses, create boundaries and reconnect with myself.
In January 2025, I experienced a moment that showed me just how much I had changed. Faced with a situation that would previously have triggered my immense fear of abandonment, I stopped. I breathed. I turned to my “small me” instead of repeating the old protective behaviour.
I told her: “You're safe. It's OK to feel like this, but I've got you.” I allowed myself to choose me.
It was during January 2025 that I experienced the devastating suicide of my husband. The healing work I had already begun didn't remove the grief or make the loss easier. But it gave me something to hold onto.
I had to continue learning that I could love someone deeply without being responsible for their choices; that I could grieve without abandoning myself; and that forgiveness and hope could exist alongside profound pain.
It means learning to stay connected to yourself when it does.
Whatever life brings, I’m learning that I can choose myself without abandoning the people I love.